Just a little sprinkle...

I was iffy about having a baby shower the second time around and made it a point to say no gift was required in the invite. I just wanted to celebrate our boy.  I didn't want people to think I was being rude or whatever other reason it offends..just wanted to make sure no one eye rolled the invitation to my second baby shower!

However, I wanted to make sure I did everything for him that I did for Emerson. I didn't want Hud to become a victim of "Oops you're the second baby so I forgot to take pics of all your first's, whaaat? I had no idea your sister had 200 pictures taken each day of her first year". I myself, am the second child and often find myself scowling at my mother as we look at old albums (just kidding Mom, love ya...mean it!)...



   We had our original baby "sprinkle" planned on 7/1 but of course Hud made his appearance on his own a day before, so needless to say we had to reschedule it. I chose the week after he was born. I wanted to make sure life didn't get in the way and we never got around to it.

 My sister had everything put together already and I also wanted to make sure her efforts weren't for nothing. OK, so hopefully that was enough justification for having my Sprinkle, for those that turn their nose up at them :)


It was gorgeous! I was so thankful to have the most important people there. Just what I wanted it to be. The décor and the food were perfect!


         
           She even made the cake!

 

 

 

 

 

   Blue nail polish favors....what a cute idea, right?

My crazy husband and I, above.

 "Wishes for Hudson" papers to fill out for the Hud man. Those were so much more special to read a week after having him and knowing everything versus if we wrote/read them the week before.
Dear Huddy,

I hope you learn... that being you is amazing.

I hope you aren't afraid of ....spiders, because Mom is going to need you to kill them, and there is a strong possibility you will be required to kill other bugs as well. (Sorry I am not the put them outside kind of lady)

I hope you love.. your life. I hope everyday I will be the mom you need me to be and that you are so incredibly happy.

I hope you have your mothers...wit and love for crafts. I can't wait to joke with you and laugh and I'd be thrilled to share my love of crafting with you :)

I hope you are good at....detecting rain clouds, because your sister will point them out everyday! It'd be nice for some healthy competition!

I hope you have your fathers....smarts and good looks, he's a handsome man and you're already a very handsome little boy. I hope you're able to excel academically as much as you can!

I hope you remember....that you are my hero, the toughest person I've known. You are a fighter and survivor, and that you deserve nothing but the best in life. 

I hope you become....a gentle, caring soul and a reminder to the world of how important it is to love.

You've already changed my life and I hope as other mothers read my blog their child gets an extra moment of attention. A hug or a kiss, a quiet moment when they can exhale as they think about how relieved they are to live a different reality from me. That extra moment of love alone, makes this documentation of my emotions worth it. 

"Bagged"

  Walking into the waiting room to check on my boy's new set up in the PCICU..approaching the window my eyes were drawn just past the front desk clerk and instant fear smacked me in the face. I saw my son on a bed, arms wide to his side, his lifeless little pale body at the mercy of the Dr.'s. A bag being squeezed by (at the moment) the most important hands on the planet. My tiny little boy was being manually ventilated or "bagged". I was horrified and as I gasped the tears began to roll while I asked what was happening. It had been 5 hours since he was taken from me..way too long for a parent to wait without any updates, but we wanted to give them the time they needed.
 The receptionist completely lacking tact and compassion for the situation says "now don't you go doing that" in a tone as if my tears were annoying her. My heart began to thump hard in my chest as I turned my head and roared at her..."lady, that is my son and he is being bagged right in front of me..I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON?!". She got up and said someone would be with me as soon as possible.
  The worst was rolling around in my head, my son had just died...my son is dead...what am I going to do..my boy is gone. A fellow came out and greeted me at the door just moments later. She said Mrs. Moore, I am so sorry you had to see that, Hudson was having a really hard time with breathing and we decided the best option was to intubate him before it became a necessity. Holy shit. How can something so serious happen and Shane and I have no idea? I had a million questions but just wanted to get the gist of what was going on, so I held my tongue. Shane had popped in twice to check if he was ready before this and they said they were still getting him situated. We by no means expected a Dr. who had hands on our son to stop what they were doing and run to educate us...but there are a lot of nurses in there and someone....ANYONE..could have given me a minute of their time. We deserved that..we definitely didn't deserve what had just happened.
  I only caught a taste of the worst...and let me tell you, it is unbearable. It is everything you feel when that thought occasionally crosses your mind, for no good reason at times. Only 100 times worse, and I had a good reason. You know, the thoughts you would have as you read about other babies, or with no particular trigger you'd find yourself trying to imagine what it would be like if you were to lose your child. I'd be alone and a mess....but just like you, I could stop thinking about it..go to Emerson's room and watch her chest move up and down as she slept peacefully. I could stop thinking about it because it wasn't a reality. Now I face the thoughts everyday for my son, watch his chest move up and down only because a machine is forcing the air in, wishing it wasn't my reality.
I don't want to know what it's like...please don't let me have to find out. I'll ride this roller-coaster but I want to make sure we all get off when its over.

WARNING for my pics below, my son is intubated which may be disturbing to some.

Duking it out

 

 Since the moment that helicopter left for Duke I knew emotionally I needed to get there ASAP but the rational me wanted to wait until we had a plan that made sense. I was ready to leave right then, but played with the idea of leaving in the morning. A quick call to Mom and it was settled, we would go home to pack and head up.
 We got in around 9pm and walked back to see him. Through the door we had to get buzzed in to, a stop at the sink to scrub, a quick right and a glance later we were together again. It was magical. One of the students sat holding my guy in her arms. Something must have told her that is what I needed to see! It was reassuring for sure. Definitely let me know he was being loved even when I wasn't there. Of course I couldn't wait to get that nugget in my arms again.




  We met a couple next to us with the sweetest little 1 1/2 year old, Hunter. His dad was military and his mom had a baby girl a day after I had Hudson. They were from Ft.Bragg so he offered some much appreciated guidance to Shane and I on leave and insurance information. There wasn't a day that went by that we didn't think about that little man. So much so that as we were out picking up new blankets for Hudson we came across the perfect hospital friendly toy for Hunter and without a second thought brought it back for him. They took our first family photo (of 4) for us. Occasionally, we would run into his father in the hall and catch up on each others babies. It's amazing how quickly your heart grows to make room for these families facing the same situation.

 I thought as we walked in everyday that this was officially the saddest place to ever. Sick babies crying, toddlers with IV poles racked with meds and children crying for their moms at night. Witnessing the effort put forth for these sick kids just to walk around the unit, 3 nurses pulling machines and pushing poles, acknowledging that was all the equipment that was keeping them alive. Even with PIC lines in their neck, masks on their faces, they almost always had smiley eyes. So happy just to be out of that bed, in that room where they spend so much time.

  After talking to the Dr.'s our plan was to get our boy to gain weight. Our mom, dad, sister and Emerson came up the next day, it was rough for them as well because they had all been able to visit him in the NICU everyday whilst at Cape Fear, but this new move meant less visits. There was a memorable moment in this move..after two weeks Em was able to meet her brother. She loved it and I know it did me wonders.

Having both of my loves in my arms.....Something I started to think I would never get to experience.

    There were no major procedures or revelations so after a week in the PCICU (pediatric cardiac intensive care unit) so we were transferred to a step down unit. I was able to hold and love on my little as much as I wanted. We were able to sleep in the same room and could actually have family time without worrying if Emerson was bothering anyone or being concerned about how many people were in the room with us.

I wouldn't have made it without my mom and sister. They have become an extension of me, knowing what I need when I need it and being there. Phenomenal ladies right here.

Though all of those perks didn't come without a price, the care was completely different. No round the clock monitoring..no nurse always feet away. Hudson was basically totally alone when we had to go eat or make a trip to Fayetteville for paperwork. That made me feel extremely guilty but it wasn't like I could pack him up and bring him with. As much as I thought about busting him out...that just wasn't an option.

  The one night we had to spend away we came back to a bad report. Hud had been inconsolable. My heart hurt and my mommy brain said it was totally my fault for not being there. As soon as I scooped him up all of his stats improved so that didn't help my guilt at all, but at least he was doing better.
The next morning at around 4:30am Hud had a fever and was experiencing an increased difficulty with breathing. The nurse had the rapid response team called to his bedside. Basically, the PCICU Dr's and nurses come over and access the patient and decide on whether or not they will take the patient back with them. Of course, Hud made the trip. We moved out of our room in the step down unit and waited to go back to see him in the PCICU.

A little bit of sweetness

In the middle of all that medical drama, we did have a few sweet unforgettable moments. See, when you have had a healthy delivery and baby you know what it is supposed to be like. You have your little person in the same hospital room where you can hold, kiss, love, and stare at your newbie all you want. You know what that is all about......and how amazing those moments are. Those moments did exist with Hud but were just sooo very different.

I could only be wheeled down to visit him..couldn't hold him..and had to get to know that gorg face through the glare off of his oxygen hood. Just a completely different experience to have to get to know your baby from a distance. I didn't feel so bad for me, I felt sad for him. He was born (which has to be somewhat of a stressful experience for them) and had been pricked and stuck..x-rayed and ultrasounded..in a room with loud alarms and other crying babies..noisy machines and bright lights.
My newborn was just this baby stuck on a bed. Love should have been the only thing that he experienced. I felt guilty. He was so close to me but so far from my arms. I wanted to hold my boy so.very.bad.



    Look at this adorable face with those baby blues...who wouldn't want a little snuggle?

 Sometimes Huddy would lick the hood. It would look like he was attempting to lick his way to freedom! SO so funny.

One of our first pics together.. love this little monster and he loved his little paci.

Hudder butter had a name tag made for him which was cute...but that also meant your baby had been there for quite some time. Seriously the days mix together and feel like weeks and weeks like months.. you lose the concept of real time because so much is constantly happening and changing. So many way more important time consuming matters to worry about...Time was flying, just not quick enough to make this all a memory.

Then the day came when I was able to hold him. It was absolutely one of the best days ever (I now have days that trump this one but still). I can remember the excitement..I wanted to cry. The nurse heard me talking about how sad it was for him to just lay there all day and have minimal skin to skin contact. She walked away only to return with a smile. She said that there was no way she could let another day go by without me being able to hold him. She got the OK to let us use a tube of oxygen to allow flow while I held him. Milestone, enthusiastically accomplished!

(Huddy's first smile)

A notable low would definitely have to be the day I was discharged without him. It was hard to get wheeled out and have no baby in my arms. To make matters worse, I had to pass a mom being transported at the same time with theirs. Each time I passed a door with a lovely tag...my heart was heavy. I knew that they weren't going through what I was. Part of me thought that it wasn't fair that it was me but the other part acknowledged Hudson was where he was supposed to be. He had a great support system.... we might not be the most appropriate at times, and we might laugh too much, sometimes we argue, but we always love. He will always have love..........annnnnd humor ;)

We were ending week 2 in the NICU when one of the Dr.'s had approached us about Hudson's medical situation. We had no answers. Besides the change to a nasal cannula from the oxygen hood (which was major bc it meant I got to hold him whenever), we were no better off than we were 2 weeks ago, his progress had plateaued. I knew it...and of course so did they.
 The cardiologist wanted to know how we felt about transferring Hudson to Duke. Our cardiologist was actually from Duke and had a practice in Fayetteville that he worked out of 3 days a week. He was aware of the kind of care Hud would have accessible. We needed more tests and more answers...we just needed more than Cape Fear could offer. I knew medically Hud needed to go, but emotionally I didn't have a plan so I was scared to have him 2 hours away. I loved most of the staff, all of the NICU nurses were amazing. I had my favorite, Marcie and I was sad to leave because I was afraid the new nurses wouldn't know his story and care about him the way she/they did. I was torn but knew what I would do....so I signed the transfer papers just in case. Shane had bought tickets to go see Superman early that morning.....we were coming up on the time of the movie which just so happened to be the same time he might be getting life flighted out. Because the tickets were already paid for I decided to go with him...as much anxiety as it gave me to do so, I did it for him. I knew we needed some non NICU time in our life. There was no way we could have predicted that Hudster would be life flighted out. If you've seen the new Superman you know the beginning was really similar to our situation. Sitting in the leather chair while Shane munched on popcorn and slurped his soda I was dementedly picturing myself as Lara(superman's mom) and Hudson as Kal-El (superman) watching and reliving the day he was born. Then having to place him into an incubator and sending him off in a vessel all by his lonesome. SERIOUSLY?  That really just happened in this movie? WHY would my husband make me watch this?! Ugh. I was crying like a moron and no one could possibly understand why. I kept my phone in my hand on the loudest volume possible and didn't give 2 craps about anyone getting mad if it rang mid movie. Well, 30 minutes in and we got the call that Duke would be arriving in 30 minutes to take Hudson. We were 20 minutes away. I tore through town and we ran through the hospital and made it just before they took him out of his crib and onto the stretcher.

My heart broke...I was soooooooo sad. I had no idea when I would see him again. I wanted to follow them but I had nothing planned, packed or prepared. So emotional. We hurried to the heli-pad and watched them load up and take off. I was a mess.

Goodbye my little Superman, I hope to see you really soon.

And the other shoe drops...

I chose to let my "Meeting Hudson" post be exactly what it was. I wanted to describe my emotions through it all without junking it up with all the medical issues we face. Still those issues are such a huge dictator in our life right now that there is no way I can side step them. So lets just jump right in to it.....

During our visit with Hudson we were approached by a NICU Dr. that informed us Hudson had a complete atrioventricular canal defect or an  AVCD/AVSD. This means that the separation between the 4 chambers of the heart are not completely formed. Because of this, the oxygen-rich blood mixes with the oxygen-poor blood (this isn't a scientific explanation, otherwise I would have copied a google link or definition) and there is too much sent to his lungs. Essentially flooding them. His heart has to work harder to make sure everything gets enough oxygen..it beats faster.

  Hudson, just like every baby also has a PDA or patent ductus arteriosus. This artery should have closed after birth, his of course did not. The opening allows oxygen-rich blood from the aorta to mix with oxygen-poor blood from the pulmonary artery. This can strain the heart and increase blood pressure in the lung arteries.

Coupled with his defect ...it's bad news bears for Hudson. Surgery to correct this life threatening defect (avcd) would usually need to be completed between 4-6 months old.

As sad as it all was to take in we knew that whatever it took we would do. We knew that there was a fix. Hudson just needed a few days to work on this new breathing thing and then we would get to take him home....right?

Wrong.


 He required just a whiff of oxygen to keep stable. Every time they tried to wean him off he would dsat. He had many echo cardiograms, lung x-rays and blood draws. They sent his blood to the geneticist at UNC Chapel Hill and we waited days for the results. Mainly, we were just awaiting the confirmation of his Ds. There are 3 different types....one of them actually being genetic. It was important for us to know what to expect in his future. We had already been researching and planning out his care. We wanted our boy to have the best possible outcome. 

Shane and I decided once we found out we were having a boy that we would be done having babies. One boy and one girl...who isn't OK with that?!
But honestly, after feeling robbed of an amazing birth experience I couldn't see myself ending on this note. If the Ds( Down syndrome) was genetic that of course would be a factor to consider with in our decision.
 The blood results came in about a week later. That is when we discovered surprise number 123940930442. The Dr. started with the information on his Downs. In Hudson's case just a spontaneous defect of the 21st chromosome. Hence, he has Trisomy 21.
You see, those with Ds have 47 chromosomes while you and I have 46. Hudson has 48. That's right, my boy is extra extra awesome.
  This is where we talk about said 48th chromosome. The blood results also found that he had yet another syndrome...REALLY??????? and the two combined were so very rare that there is virtually no medical cases to reference. He is somewhere around the 5th case reported in the world...yes, that's right....like, only 5 people ever have had this combo...(since medical/genetic testing has started to document) Who expects that kind of news?!
  This syndrome isn't life threatening and doesn't change the outlook of his life expectancy. Basically, the symptoms are physically opposite of T21. A tall lengthy build to include long fingers and big feet(so maybe he didn't get those from daddy!). These children will often be taller than average. So it will be interesting to see how his T21 and this new syndrome mix. We are flying blind through that part of his life since only time will tell.
 Now, if we fast forward a few days after that bomb...during a routine blood CBC they found some immature white blood cells. These malformed blood cells are found in cases of TMD(transient myeloproliferative disorder) and leukemia. Mmmmhmmm that's cancer. This will just be monitored with frequent reviews and if it continues to be an issue, there will eventually be a bone marrow biopsy.
WTH?!? Can my kid catch a break already?
Shane and I had been a constant in the NICU, while trying to maintain some kind of normalcy for Emerson, getting paperwork for insurance and birth certificates and social security documents done...don't forget working sleep somewhere in that mix. We basically lived out of our car...driving. I often forgot I had just undergone a major surgery. I was the last thing to be worried about though. My recovery with Hud was completely different than with Emmy. I think my body knew it had to heal quickly so I could keep up. Soooo thank you, body..for that...

Meeting Hudson

As I was wheeled into the pod my eyes darted around the room full of isolettes trying to find the one that housed my little. I was unsure of what my reaction would be, just trying to mentally prepare for what I would possibly feel...You know those deep inner thoughts that you just don't share with the world.. But I knew also couldn't wait to see him and to be able to really study his face. Learn his nose, peer into his eyes, get familiar with everything that made him, him. Though I wasn't sure what I would think or feel the second time around, I know that I wanted to give him the happy, loving welcome that he should have experienced the first time around. There was no doubt that I loved this little being, he came from me. It was just something different, and we are all often scared of something that is different. Whether we care to admit it or not. I know that my son is perfect just the way he is, which is why I can be honest about how I felt at first. I know that I have plenty of room to be a better person, and this little boy would be my guide. He would open my eyes to things I didn't see. We would teach each other, and learn from each other and as I sit here 4 weeks later I can say I am more enlightened than I ever imagined.

As we approached his crib I was nervous, but had that anxious mom instinct that wanted to have her baby close. My arms were aching to hold him. He was under an oxygen hood and to my surprise didn't even look as though he had Downs. He was my beautiful little boy and I was finally able to drink him in.

 

 

The reality was that he indeed was the gorgeous little boy I had expected. He had my hair, my mouth (which also happens to be his sisters) Shane's beautiful blue eyes (which his sister also shares) as well as long fingers and big feet.

 

 

 

 

 I was so relieved. There wasn't anything to be scared of, we would happily share this life journey with him. He was meant to be here...my body...the doctors...his body...we all missed it and here he was just as he should be. Now the only thing I could think about was getting my hands on that baby.......

  yes...I am fully aware of how fantastic I look :)

 

 

Surprise

My whole life I've never actually been surprised...I was the kind of kid who ruined Christmas by sneaking peeks into her parents closet, the kind of little girl who begged her friends to tell her what they got for her birthday...that young adult who "accidentally" found an email about her engagement ring, yeah sadly that was me!

I was always complaining about how I've never actually had a legit surprise in life... Even though ultimately it was my own fault. So with this pregnancy I figured I'd wait to find out the sex till birth......wellllll maybe. BUUUT, We all know as a 28 year old woman I still wasn't able to curb my curiosity. Little did I know the day this little boy was born I'd get more surprises than I could ever dream of..Definitely enough to make up for the absence and absolutely enough to last a lifetime.

Let's talk about the day my little boy was born..

Hudson's birth: 5/31/13  weighing 6lbs. 8oz. and 20in.

Thursday night contractions were pretty regular and just felt different than my regular braxton hicks. We went in and I sat in the triage room for hours hooked to the monitors. We said we wanted to attempt a vbac, but after waiting with only morphine that had already wore off I was over it. I wanted to be done. Not to mention while waiting I heard 2 moms screaming their heads off and was scared shitless(yeah, that just happened.. I said shit).

My Dr. came in with an OR nurse to help me decide with various facts..blah blah blah. We decided to move forward with the Cesarean and my Dr. said he had two other procedures before he could get to me, so it would be a few hours. My contractions were crazy bad and I was at 5cm. I cried through every one and finally after another hour asked the triage nurse for some kind of pain medicine. My OR nurse, Claire was waiting for in there as well. She came in, checked me and said I can't believe they are letting you labor in this triage room with no meds waiting for them to finish. This is just horrid, what if something else comes up and they push it back even more? She left for a little then came back, moved me to a L&D room, ordered an epidural and waited with me. The anesthesiologist came in and administered my epidural. He asked all the usual questions (the ones you don't particularly remember, unless you had to answer yes to any of them) and just as the last words left his lips "....ringing in your ears"... slowly I began to feel pressure and started to feel a little off, my ears didn't have ringing but was more comparable to being under water. He asked Claire about my heart rate and she let him know it was OK. He then advised her it would probably increase and again, not much longer after that I went from 70bpm to like 120bpm, and had a bad case of the shakes. He immediately pulled it out and they pushed 2 bags of fluid through my IV within a 3 minute span.  He said he had hit a blood vessel and the meds went directly into my blood stream so he had to do it again. This was most uncomfortable. Finally, it was in, I wasn't in pain and life was amazing. About 15 minutes later a man comes in and introduces himself as the one who will be performing my surgery. Errrrm happened to my Dr?! As pissy as I may have wanted to be I also thought who cares?! I wanted Hudson out!

So they wheeled me in to the OR, prepped me and started. Shane was brought in and everything was how I remembered it being with Emerson. My Dr. was singing and carrying on with his tunes, all was going well. Next thing I know, Hudson was out. He was crying at first and then it was quiet. My eyes welled up- finally my boy was here! FINALLY!
 I waited for the typical update and for his sweet face to round the sheet so I could lay eyes on him for the first time. I waited and waited for the update...asking Shane if everything was OK. I could hear the nurses whispering and asked him to try to listen. He couldn't make out what they were saying, so I waited...finally my anesthesiologist said she would go check on him. She walked away..and again I waited. When she returned but didn't volunteer an update I chalked it up to maybe she forgot(heyyyyy give me a break, denial and drugs were at play here!). So...I continued to wait... Finally a new face popped around the corner. She asked his name, "Hudson" Shane replied. She continued to say "well Hudson is having some breathing difficulty and it sounds like he may have some heart issues we are going to have to take a look at......Hudson also has some markers of Down Syndrome".

 BOOM.
There is no font large enough to describe the impact of those life changing words.
 My head turned away from her while my world stopped, I didn't hear a word she said after that and I began to cry uncontrollably. Still being stitched up they tried to keep me calm but there was no chance I could be reasoned with.
I had waited 9 months to exhale...waited 9 months for that moment of his arrival to relish in the joy of seeing his face..all fingers and toes accounted for and of course to know we had a healthy, beautiful baby. I never got to have that exhale. I was robbed of that moment I had been anticipating. Instead it was replaced with grief, confusion, sadness, disbelief, and probably a little bit of anger. I was selfishly mourning that life I had already been planning out. Mourning the little boy I thought I was having, sad that my little man would have to one day face adversity. Thinking that they had to be wrong. Releasing each of those emotions in every tear that rolled. My husband was a rock, stroking my hair and resting his forehead on mine..assuring me we would get through this and everything was OK. Claire came around grabbed my hand and she cried with me. She cried like I could have been her daughter and her empathy let me know my reaction was OK. As I looked around and began to realize again that we were not the only people in the room I could only focus on their eyes. We all know that's really the only part you can see of a person when in the OR and every set of them was red. All of them trying to maintain a professional tone but each extremely affected by the circumstances.
 My anesthesiologist cradled my head in her hands and wiped my tears away. No sooner than she wiped that I was drenching my cheeks again. As she spoke I could tell she herself was fighting tears. Her voice was cracking as she asked me to try and calm down. Finally, they brought Hudson around and I calmed myself enough to kiss his cheek, instantly feeling guilty for my reaction and mentally confirming that my little man did indeed have Downs. As much as I wanted to deny it at the time, it was obvious.

Then he was gone. I was wheeled to recovery with Shane while Claire went to get my mom and sister. She allowed them in even against policy and even watched Emerson while they were back with me. No one knew, so when mom walked in Shane had finally given in and began to cry. Neither of us could get it out. Mom of course thought the worst case scenario and began to repeat "what?" "what happened?" as she cried and wrapped her arms around Shane. She thought the worst, that our little boy didn't make it. Finally, Shane was able to get the words out...."They think he has down syndrome and he is having some breathing issues" and suddenly our reality wasn't so bad compared to the alternative. Claire came back to give me a hug, rubbed my hand and said she wished us the best. She had stayed an extra hour and a half after she had got off. Just to support our family, and that was amazing. I was taken to my room where I was able to sort through what the hell just happened and try to make sense of it all. Meanwhile, Hudson remained in the NICU. I wanted to see him asap and start bonding with him. I felt that was even more crucial now with this change. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to see him for a few hours after delivery.



Don't you worry I'm planning to describe that experience separately.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is only surprise number one. Why don't you follow me on over to the next post.........but before that I have this gem to share.

 

This was in triage after they said we would be getting ready for a c section :) My crazy husbands humor gets me through most days.

It's a boy

"It's a boy", three of the most beautiful words I've heard since "it's a girl" was spoken some years ago. My mind instantly began to plan out our life. My sassy little lady and my sweet little gentleman playing with daddy in the yard, what it would be like grocery shopping with two instead of one, going to the beach, witnessing all of his firsts, spending time at Grandma and Grandpas house...while forcing many many family photos of them through it all! I planned his room around the green color we painted it for Emerson (she was moved to her big girl room). There was no question, Alligators it was. I handmade his wall art and bought the crib bedding. You know, did all the normal things moms to be do. My Dr. set our csection for 6/7/2013...we finally had a date and I had my life planned out, that quick. 

 The only thing missing was our boy.

What you've missed...

Not because I haven't been posting or anything.............!

Shane came home!!
Watch his video HERE  (Seriously you want to! It was super sweet)

I got pregnant!! As a result of the above :) ( see some pregnant lady pics below)

Em turned 3 years old see details of her mermaid party here (coming soon)

We took a trip to Disney World...what a blasty blast.

Shane turned 30..woahh

And we found out we were having a BOY!!!

Daddy was home this weekend, mainly because it was a 4 day and we were able to sqeeze a worth while trip home in...and it doesn't need to be said that of course we had an amazing time. This was his last trip home until he reports to his new unit here at Ft. Bragg in a few months.
 It's quite ridiculous the little things you come to appreciate when someone else actually does them. Not having to fill a sippy cup, getting to skip out on bath time...snacks..entertaining. It's so so soooo nice to have those little things get done and not actually be the one doing them.. It's sad that I can't remember a time having daily help. I am going to be in heaven when all of this is over. Each time I have to give him back to the Army it makes me realize how truly ready I am to have him home for good (well "good" isn't totally accurate, we are talking about the Army here). If everything goes right...my husband will be home on 8/18/2012...Ladies and Gents that is one day away from my bday! I hate to rush one of the few years left in my 20's down the drain buuuut the countdown has begun. Bring on 28 as long as my husband is the one delivering it to me. Well that's the major countdown anyways, we still have a week trip to Augusta to see him for the 4th of July. Next, Em and I are driving down for a day trip on July,18th for his AIT graduation...then FINALLy we will be heading down to Ft. Benning to pick up my Airborne school graduate and bring him home! I hate that our visits are coming to an end...but it means is that all of this is almost over. We have ALMOST made it...we've barely survived...but the finish line is finally within sight and I am ready to rip through that damned tape, stomp on it, punt it, and then burn it.

Sad rabbit isn't tall enough for lazer tag.

So over mini golf

Daddy teaching his lady how it's done properly

Again, Daddy teaching how it's done properly.



Memorial day cookout and some sprinkler action.