Sitting on the back patio on a lazy Sunday..the sun perfectly peeking through the trees as it begins its descent...the birds chirping and the bugs fluttering. The quiet moment you take to try and remember your little girl the way she is...trying to absorb everything about her ...making mental notes on how her little legs remind me of those that belong to a baby deer...how blindingly blonde her hair is..her tiny toes in the grass. I am reminded how time blows by you like the parting wind of a passing train. How it really seems that no matter how many times you try to soak it all in there could never be enough moments like this..
Today my friend Stacy came over with her daughter Macy. We let the girls get in touch with their artistic side, and finger painted! Emerson didn't care to have it all over her hands and demanded I wash them off after every finger swipe! Macy on the other hand was all about it :) it was a mess to clean up but a good time for the nuggets...all 10 minutes their attention spans could handle at least!
It has been 60 days since the last time I kissed your face, held your hand, or saw your smile. I truly can't say enough how proud I am of you...but I will confess (and swallow my own pride) and say that I am all but falling apart without you. After I put our sweet little lady to bed...the night comes, bringing with it the darkness of loneliness. I have nothing but time to sit alone and think...... Think about how much I miss you...and how our daughter has started desperately calling every person she sees daddy... like she's searching for you every where we go...hoping that someone answer's her back in your voice. I don't know how much longer she can last, or how many times I can pull myself together enough say " No love, Daddy is working...remember?" It is obvious that we are more than ready for you to come home. Getting through the next 8 months is going to be one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.
I am tired of feeling like my chest is going to explode with sadness. All of my friends have all but disappeared, I feel totally alone. Without you, my biggest fan, I have no one to fall back on...no one to sleep next to...no one to share with and appreciate all the silly things Emerson does...no one to make fun of me...and share laughs with. I battle every night to keep it together when all's I want to do is stop fighting the tears that are welling and just let myself unravel.
