As I was wheeled into the pod my eyes darted around the room full of isolettes trying to find the one that housed my little. I was unsure of what my reaction would be, just trying to mentally prepare for what I would possibly feel...You know those deep inner thoughts that you just don't share with the world.. But I knew also couldn't wait to see him and to be able to really study his face. Learn his nose, peer into his eyes, get familiar with everything that made him, him. Though I wasn't sure what I would think or feel the second time around, I know that I wanted to give him the happy, loving welcome that he should have experienced the first time around. There was no doubt that I loved this little being, he came from me. It was just something different, and we are all often scared of something that is different. Whether we care to admit it or not. I know that my son is perfect just the way he is, which is why I can be honest about how I felt at first. I know that I have plenty of room to be a better person, and this little boy would be my guide. He would open my eyes to things I didn't see. We would teach each other, and learn from each other and as I sit here 4 weeks later I can say I am more enlightened than I ever imagined.
As we approached his crib I was nervous, but had that anxious mom instinct that wanted to have her baby close. My arms were aching to hold him. He was under an oxygen hood and to my surprise didn't even look as though he had Downs. He was my beautiful little boy and I was finally able to drink him in.
The reality was that he indeed was the gorgeous little boy I had expected. He had my hair, my mouth (which also happens to be his sisters) Shane's beautiful blue eyes (which his sister also shares) as well as long fingers and big feet.
I was so relieved. There wasn't anything to be scared of, we would happily share this life journey with him. He was meant to be here...my body...the doctors...his body...we all missed it and here he was just as he should be. Now the only thing I could think about was getting my hands on that baby.......
yes...I am fully aware of how fantastic I look :)