Thursday, May 5, 2011

Dear Shane......

It's been barely over a month since I wrote you last. A letter just like this one.. you won't get to read. A letter meant more for me than you.
Just as I predicted...time has flown by. Generally in life, I always push to be right.. but under the circumstances I would much rather let time prove me wrong. What I wouldn't give for the next 2 months we have to feel like 2 years.
Our daughter has formed such love for you... A sweet father, daughter connection to be envied by dad's everywhere. Each night when you are due home from work she waits in the doorway accompanied by a toy to keep her preoccupied. Shrieks of excitement pour from her tiny body when she sees your car pull in the driveway. For the next 10 minutes "da da" is the only word spoken from her pouty little mouth. The mouth she undeniably inherited from me.
Once inside, your nightly routine begins.. she helps remove your name tag and stick it to the side of the take off your tie and place it over her shoulders (easily her favorite part of it all) always running around the living room in her new wares. Grinning. Guaranteed to be followed by tossing, spinning, hiding, seeking, screams and giggles. Music to any mom's ears.

I wonder how long after you leave she will still wait in front of that glass door....How am I supposed to tell her daddy won't be coming home?

I wonder how I will be mom and dad while you are gone.....I can't replace what you two have. It's going to hurt my heart seeing the disappointment and confusion all over her face that first day I have to pull her away from the door. I don't want to be the first person to break her heart. That's supposed to be some teenage boys job, not her mommy's....(some teenage boy whose ass I will kick, might I add).

I no longer have doubts about running a successful household without your help. I took on all the chores and toddler duties, and with the help of Folgers in my cup.. it has been quite a success. What I am worried about is something I don't think I can fix...something that has already been made our daughter will cope with this change. She grows smarter when you leave..she will absolutely know. I want to make sure she doesn't think you deserted her. How can I do that? What ever I do...I have to come up with something soon...and I hope my execution is perfect- for our little lady is at stake.

My love, I continue to grow prouder of you everyday. We made the most important decision of our lives on 10/25/08...we took a risk as two kids in love..shared our vows...and sealed it with a kiss.
You are without a doubt the best decision I have ever made.

2 more months....that are sadly sure to be rushed by.
Here's to making those count, and hoping the day's without you carry on just as expeditiously.

-Your #1 fan