Saturday, March 3, 2012

Dear Shane

We are three months shy of a year apart. I'm not sure if I am happy we made it this far or sad that it's been so long and we still aren't back together.
I'm trying.
 I try everyday to suck up the "I'm missing yous". But it's always there waiting... for a quiet moment when I am alone...hiding in every one of our daughters smiles...staring me in the face when we go out..I can't escape it.
I need this to be over. I don't think I was prepared for this sacrifice. I knew it would be a process..but I figured six months tops. What's six months to change our lives forever? I can't explain to anyone the feeling...the anticipation...the heartache...the toll this is taking on me. I can't wait to have our family back together. I.can't.wait. Words just don't do the emotion justice. The heaviness in your chest, that sinking feeling that has you ready to hurl...the symptoms that your heart is breaking.
What's most difficult is not having a countdown..nothing to look forward relief in sight..we are just stuck here in this torturous limbo. The uncertainty of our future has me ready to raise my white flag..but I know I can't. You can't give up.... so neither can I.
 I am so ready for this separation to be a memory. Until then I can only keep the hope. The hope that our sacrifices are appreciated, worth something, and that they will eventually pay off.

I love you. I miss you. I'm searching for strength. Please come home soon.

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