Dear Shane......

It's been barely over a month since I wrote you last. A letter just like this one.. you won't get to read. A letter meant more for me than you.
Just as I predicted...time has flown by. Generally in life, I always push to be right.. but under the circumstances I would much rather let time prove me wrong. What I wouldn't give for the next 2 months we have to feel like 2 years.
Our daughter has formed such love for you... A sweet father, daughter connection to be envied by dad's everywhere. Each night when you are due home from work she waits in the doorway accompanied by a toy to keep her preoccupied. Shrieks of excitement pour from her tiny body when she sees your car pull in the driveway. For the next 10 minutes "da da" is the only word spoken from her pouty little mouth. The mouth she undeniably inherited from me.
Once inside, your nightly routine begins.. she helps remove your name tag and stick it to the side of the microwave...you take off your tie and place it over her shoulders (easily her favorite part of it all) always running around the living room in her new wares. Grinning. Guaranteed to be followed by tossing, spinning, hiding, seeking, screams and giggles. Music to any mom's ears.

I wonder how long after you leave she will still wait in front of that glass door....How am I supposed to tell her daddy won't be coming home?

I wonder how I will be mom and dad while you are gone.....I can't replace what you two have. It's going to hurt my heart seeing the disappointment and confusion all over her face that first day I have to pull her away from the door. I don't want to be the first person to break her heart. That's supposed to be some teenage boys job, not her mommy's....(some teenage boy whose ass I will kick, might I add).

I no longer have doubts about running a successful household without your help. I took on all the chores and toddler duties, and with the help of Folgers in my cup.. it has been quite a success. What I am worried about is something I don't think I can fix...something that has already been made obvious..how our daughter will cope with this change. She grows smarter everyday...so when you leave..she will absolutely know. I want to make sure she doesn't think you deserted her. How can I do that? What ever I do...I have to come up with something soon...and I hope my execution is perfect- for our little lady is at stake.

My love, I continue to grow prouder of you everyday. We made the most important decision of our lives on 10/25/08...we took a risk as two kids in love..shared our vows...and sealed it with a kiss.
You are without a doubt the best decision I have ever made.

2 more months....that are sadly sure to be rushed by.
Here's to making those count, and hoping the day's without you carry on just as expeditiously.


-Your #1 fan

Dear Shane.....

I know the day is steadily approaching..that day you will make the first of many sacrifices for your family and your country. You are going to leave behind all that you have ever known for weeks of physical and mental strain..only to be rewarded with another 7 months of time away from us.
It seems so far away but I know July 19th will soon be our tomorrow, and I can't help but think about a million different things. I am totally being selfish when I think "what am I going to do without you?". What will my days be like without my best friend, my biggest fan, my daughters father, my husband? I can only imagine what's been on your mind. I keep a straight face when we talk about it...Its not fair to burden you with more stress..but the truth is underneath this cool, calm and collected woman's demeanor, her heart is breaking a little more everyday. How am I going to do this by myself? I know our family is here, so that brings me some comfort....but no one can replace you. No one will be sleeping beside me Indian style, poking me with their knees...rolling around mumbling things that make no sense..and kissing my forehead before they roll out of bed.
I know how much you love us....and I hope you know how much we love you, and appreciate you. We are the luckiest little family in the world with you in it.
I know with this change I have to do my part to support you...it would hurt your heart too much to know how I feel...So out of respect for this decision we made together I will only write these fears and never tell you..I am having doubts that I can run a successful household without you. I am nervous I will forget to pay a bill, afraid our daughter won't remember what it's like to play with you, scared of how lonely I am going to be, and absolutely terrified that one day you may not come home. That being said......
I am so incredibly proud of you and hope the next 12 months go quickly. I already can't wait to have you home again...you are now a real life hero, like so many other soldiers serving. Thank you for being you and for loving me.

XoXo
-Your forever grateful wife